People ask me all the time what, or who, Cynda Moore is. Once and for all…
In the midst of my shitty life, in the middle of a personal crisis, a huge depression, mental breakdown (call it whatever you want) a very dear friend of mine told me about a band he really liked. Their name was Okkervil river. At their website there’s a couple of songs that you can download. So I did. The first song I listened to was For real, a song that hit me like few things has managed to hit me before. When I had stopped crying, after having it on repeat for an hour or so, I went on with the song Black. This song hit me even worse. Honestly, I was shocked. The song seemed to be written about me. It’s my life in a nutshell – everything from the missing mother to the car to the closed doors to the “forget it”. It’s the story of my life, I am Cynda Moore – and there are thousands and thousands of other Cynda Moore’s out there. And at the same time, it was a huge comfort. To hear someone sing all those sweet words about how he wants to help out… It was everything I’ve always wanted to hear, and something I really needed to hear, even if it was just in a random song by a random band.
So, what’s the Black sheep boy thing? First and foremost, Black sheep boy is a song written by the 60’s folk singer Tim Hardin. As Will Sheff, the singer of Okkervil river, once put it into words, writing for Said the gramophone, “I became especially obsessed with the song Black sheep boy, with its mysterious lyrics and darkly confident theme, which, as far as I could figure out, could be summed up thusly: ‘I know I’m fucking up – leave me alone.’”
Will Sheff had the brilliant idea to title an album after Tim Hardin’s song. He wrote song after song isolated in Bloomington. After long and hard work the idea finally resulted in the album Black sheep boy, released in 2005 (which also included a cover version of the original Tim Hardin song). The long and hard isolated work paid off, the album is extraordinary and even though Sheff wasn’t trying to imitate Hardin, you still find that the “I know I’m fucking up – leave me alone” theme runs through the album like a thread.
Just like Will Sheff, I have been quite obsessed with this song, as well as the Okkervil river album with the same name. But my obsession reached its peak when Okkervil river released their mini album called Black sheep boy appendix and I had another seven amazing songs to have on repeat. The EP is truly fantastic and I love all of the seven songs to death, but there’s one that stood out and tied me to it slightly more than the others. That song was simply called Black sheep boy #4. To quote Mr Sheff himself the lyrics are mysterious and it’s a darkly confident theme. Every single line of this song is a true work of art, I’ve never heard anything like it and I couldn’t possibly describe it in words.
Call me pathetic, but Black sheep boy and Cynda Moore are not only the names of two fiction figures in some silly songs – to me they are alive and kicking. They’re not only alive, they are a part of me. It’s that light at the end of the tunnel, a small glimpse of hope, a feeling of not being entirely alone and insane. I’m stuck with both Okkervil river and the names, which more or less has turned into a very symbolic thing. It reminds me that I’m not alone and that there’s some genuine hope out there.
